What will I do with myself all day long once I retire and I'm too clumsy for any serious work? It's not happening anytime soon but it's nice to have some ideas prepared. Here's what doesn't work for me:
What I wouldn't mind is having a few close friends and just doing random stuff together. If it's always something different, then maybe I wouldn't find it boring? But how do I find this group of friends and how do we decide what to do? I have a long-shot idea for this so let me write it down before I forget it: it consists of friends helping to fulfill the wishes and desires of one another.
Fair warning: this is not something normal people need because a social life is not a problem for them. In this post I'm thinking about people like me, who struggle with basic interactions and prefer to have structure and scaffolding for everything.
For simplicity's sake imagine a group of five, mentally aligned, cooking enthusiast friends. Then each month this happens:
The nice thing here is that each month there's something different to cook, something novel. And at least one person will always enjoy the event because it's their wish coming true. No Abilene paradox here.
I could even join multiple groups. My friends in the cooking group could be completely different from those in the hiking group. Here are some other examples of groups that could exist:
There are a lot of things I'd like to do but can't be bothered to pursue just for myself. Because they are private, I don't even tell others about them. I need a place where I can express these desires and have some sort of pressure to actually follow through. And in exchange I'm happy to apply pressure or help to organize the granting of other people's wishes. A wishgroup might just be the place where I would find the necessary pressure.
The wishes are mostly about companionship and moral support rather than free labor. Take the kitchen remodeling example. Rather than expecting the group to remodel my kitchen while I sit back, I would still hire and pay professionals to do it. The group members would just help me pick the style, give advice, accompany me to the store, review plans, etc. It's more like the main topic of conversation among friends for that month. The bureaucracy around remodeling a kitchen has so many steps that I would be afraid to start the project without any moral support.
Or take the spa-going example. If I want to go to the spa but dread going alone, then the organizer can try finding me a volunteer to accompany me. Asking people if they want to come with me is hard for me, so it's nice if someone does it for me. I would still pay for it myself, since the group gives moral support, not financial backing.
It's important that the group size remain small. More than six is too many because then I get my wish granted very rarely. If a group reaches seven people, it's better to split it into two independent groups. The two smaller groups might each have a more specialized focus so people might end up better off for this reason alone.
I can create a small initial indulgence group with just my friends. Then the group would grow simply by word of mouth; e.g. friends of friends would get invited. If the experiment goes well, I might start looking for more groups like this. Where could I look for these?
I think there should be a website for this where people advertise their groups. But rather than an overengineered one, I imagine a similarly simple text-only site like what I envisioned in @/turnchatters. Groups would provide a description of what they offer, individuals would describe themselves and what they are looking for, and each day the system would give users a few groups to consider joining.
Furthermore, the website would provide access to a shared doc and some project management tooling for organization.
I expect the interpersonal communication would be more interesting too. I can't do small talk. But if I'm the organizer, then I'm forced to have deep chats with multiple people. I have to understand the selected person's desires, motivations, and goals. With the other group members I can talk about what they can do, what their limits are, etc. Discussions are about people's wishes, life goals, comfort zones, etc. Talking about these topics sounds much more interesting than talking about the weather. One-on-one directional convos like these don't sound as scary to me as general social mingling; in fact this is something I'd look forward to.
As the organizer I also have to track requirements, make arrangements, and get feedback on my work. Being an organizer might be intellectually stimulating enough that I could push my own dementia back a few months. The nice thing is that I only need to do this every few months rather than all the time (which would feel like work).
But I wonder, would others join such groups? Thumbs up if yes, thumbs down if this is not your cup of tea, not even in retirement.
Published on 2026-07-13.
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